Lost in Motherhood and Embracing New Adventures

Facebook sent me a memory notification today. Seven years ago today I updated my Facebook status to let everyone know that I had just made it to Korea. I traveled there to spend– what I know now to be– an amazing year teaching English and traveling throughout parts of Asia including South Korea, Taiwan and Japan. It took me back to the old Jen, one that loved adventure, and everything that came with it. The memories. The sense of feeling liberated and accomplished. The beauty in exploring new things. The love. It took me back to when I had such a sense of freedom. These were without a doubt (after my adventures in motherhood) the best times of my life.

Reading that post made me sad and inspired me, simultaneously. It awakened a part of me that I thought for sure had died when I became a more “responsible” adult with children to care for, and no time or money to do such things. Somehow life had shifted and while I was killing the game in the momming department, I was forsaking myself and losing myself day by day, moment by moment. Yet, I would look back on photos and videos, proud of how far I had ventured and accomplished, but realizing that I’d probably never reach that level of carefree happiness again.

I’d been so busy dreaming of reliving those years that I didn’t see the possibility of embracing these new dimensions of my life and bringing more of myself into my relationships with my family. Being a mother didn’t mean I couldn’t travel and explore, and introduce this world to my children.

I want to show my children a world of adventure. This is who I am. Beyond playgrounds, theme parks, and ice cream shops. I want to explore waterfalls and hidden gems. I want to travel and explore, and I want to make beautiful memories in places beyond our comfort zone. Why should this stop because I am a mother? Why do I need to call for help if I want a vacation? (Aside from mommy time, and a couples retreat, of course.) For so long I’ve been enslaving myself mentally because of other people’s perspective of traveling. Adhering to the norm or settling for agendas because my spouse doesn’t like this, or my kids aren’t old enough to appreciate that. “It costs money to do ___” or ” When will we get the time off to ___?” I’m tired of hearing that. I’m tired to giving people and circumstances power over my happiness. My goals. My adventures. My life. This ends today.

I had a revelation, and I’ve come to a turning point.

I’m starting with myself. I’m starting with where I am, and what I can do. I’ve come to the realization that I  haven’t been capitalizing off of my free time the way that I should. I’m not paralyzed by my circumstances, I’m blessed by them. I have this opportunity to create something beautiful. I have this chance to explore, spend quality time with my children, and embrace lasting, teachable, beautiful moments by combining all of the above. I have the time, and I’ll have to create the energy. Is it rough trying to “get up and go” with two small children? Hell yeah. But I will have to continue to pray for strength, patience, and growth. And woosah the hell out of my days. I’ll have to remind myself that even though I’m drained, exhausted, frustrated, and bent all out of shape– that I’d much rather expel these emotions for my children than an employer, any day of the week. And I’ll have to remind myself that when I’m getting these waves and feeling overwhelmed, that indeed it is time for adventure. To get the hell out.

I’m delving into ideas and I can’t wait to get my palette wet. I am an adventurer. That’s who I am and that’s who I am proud to be. I can’t wait to explore beyond these walls with my children.

If you have any ideas for family vacations, traveling on a budget or free to low cost adventures, please share them below!