In honor of National Breastfeeding Awareness Month, I wanted to share my nursing story and my experiences with breastfeeding as a first time mom.
Aside from the obvious anxiety of giving birth, breastfeeding was the number one thing I worried about while I was pregnant. I wasn’t nervous about being a mom. I didn’t care about the lack of sleep. I was terrified of breastfeeding. You hear so many horror stories about women getting infections, it hurting like hell, or it just completely changing your life- so I was anxious to see what this expereince would be for me.
Despite all of the above, one thing was for sure- I was committing to nursing. For one, its free. More importantly, its the healthiest option for your baby, as it promotes mother-baby bonding, decreases the risk of allergies and sickness, and has even been linked to improved cognitive and behavioral development. Nursing even helps you lose the baby weight!
Besides, my mother nursed all 4 of her children so for me, there was no other option.
A Rough Start
After I had Jenesis, the nurses placed her on my chest, inside of my hospital gown for skin-to-skin contact and suggested I begin nursing her for comfort. I was a bit overwhelmed- only because things happened so quickly that morning- but I was excited to initiate the bonding process.
After a few hours, I couldn’t tell if she was actually drinking or just moving her mouth and I was concerned. The nurses reassured me that it was completely normal for a mother’s milk to come in after the baby is born. Even if she wasn’t drinking milk, I was told that the colostrum, or, “first milk” was sufficient enough to give her the nutrients she needed until the actual milk came in. I was still worried about the amount she may or may not have been consuming by that point so I again spoke to the evening nurse who came in to check on us.
“If you don’t think she is getting enough nutrients, you should supplement with formula,” she said nonchalantly. “Well, I can’t tell…” I started. This was my first time doing this. How do I know what to look for? Listen for? How do I know if my baby is drinking enough? I felt helpless. Powerless. I couldn’t deny my daughter food if she weren’t getting enough from me. But I couldn’t tell if she was or not, and the blank stare from the cold nurse wasn’t helping me at all. What do I do? I gave in.
There I sat, teary-eyed, as I watched the nurse prepare the bottle of formula. I gave it to Jenesis, and she suckled half an ounce, then drifted off to sleep. I was happy she was comfortable, but deep down I was heart broken. This is not what I wanted.
The next morning I voiced my concerns to the morning nurse who returned, and told her that I wanted to keep practicing latching, different positions, and pumping. I told her I didn’t want to give her formula again, and she was completely surprised that the previous nurse even recommended that I supplement with formula because what I was producing was absolutely fine. This angered me, but I was so happy that I finally stood my ground and made my first responsible decision as a parent. The nurse immediately set up an appointment with the lactation specialist on call, and she came to my room and helped me through everything.
Stick with it!
For the first few weeks of having Jenesis at home, my lack of confidence with nursing was at an all time high. I struggled with knowing the right times to feed her, how often, wondering if she was actually drinking or just wanting to nibble on something (we didn’t use a pacifier in fear of nipple confusion and dependency on it) and how long she she should be eating for.
I researched to the point where I could recite every term in the lactation dictionary and started having dreams about flying boobs. I turned to friends and family for advice and support, I called the hospital where I gave birth and spoke with lactation consultants, I even visited my gynocologist a few times when I suffered terrible pain and clogged ducts.
Throughout it all, I kept the idea that giving up was not an option- in the back of my mind. And I honestly think that this- along with practice of course- is the reason why we are where we are. Jenesis and I are both comfortable and confident in our nursing sessions.
Now, nursing J comes as naturally to me as brushing my teeth. I have no problem whipping out my boob and feeding her in public, and sometimes, J has no problem trying to beat me to the punch. If someone is offended by a breast, that is their problem- not mine. My plan is to continue until she turns one in October, but honestly, I am comfortable with the idea of allowing her to ween herself off. I have no shame in doing whats best for my daughter, and right now, that entails breastfeeding her.
I hope my story has inspired at least one other mother. Stick with it, you are awesome and your baby will thank you! Together we can push towards an effort to #normalizenursing!