I’m getting old. It’s been a long time coming but I’m officially ready to admit that perhaps, it’s time to put on my big girl pants- for good. Gulp. The icing on the cake? Yesterday I went to the mall with my friend, and casually mentioned that stores like Forever 21 and Charlotte Russe no longer appealed to me. (Poor Wet Seal has been out of the running for at least 5 years.) He laughed and said it’s because I’m getting old. I laughed initially, but now I couldn’t agree more. After months of casually looking at old pictures of “21 year old Jen” and reminiscing with college friends of shenanigans that played out just a few years ago, I’ve realized that I have become that girl woman, who is evolving so quickly that I can’t help but wonder where that Jen went. I never imagined that at 20 (something) I’d be that person that starts off any sentence with “when I was younger”, or finds herself looking back at pictures and missing all the fun she once had. Before bills, responsibilities, and serious commitments entered the picture. More recently I’ve been looking back at all the trips, outings, and events I attended, and wonder how I was able to do all of the above, while affording to attend school AND hold down a place. Either financial times have changed that drastically, or something just isn’t adding up.
Look at how quickly my gears have shifted from hairstyles, to places to move, to grad programs, to ice cream flavors. Is a fickle mind a side effect of growing older?! Ok, I kid, I kid.
In all honesty, Jen 2.0 and I are good friends. Yes, this would be the part where I enter a cliche sentence alluding to the fact that “everything I’ve been through thus far has made me the woman I am today” or something of the sort. But such goes without saying. I’m realizing that I’m now at the point where I can look back and appreciate the decisions I made, the places I’ve seen, the people I came across, the phases I went through, the crazy looks I embraced (ahem, blond hair) and say I’ve learned A LOT, and can effortlessly take a piece of them all with me to add to my bag o’ tricks. If it weren’t for my crazy awkward tomboy phase, I wouldn’t have had the balls rock a mohawk (ahem, before Rihanna) or wear boyfriend jeans with a blazer. If it weren’t for my crazy weight loss phase in college, I wouldn’t know what “unhealthy” looks like. If I didn’t flat line and quit my well paying job one day, I would have never had the Korea opportunity present itself, and I would have missed out on some awesome people.
Ok, enough mush. As happy as I am to be growing, and aspiring to grow more successful, It’s nice to look glance back from time to time, but remembering to keep your eyes on the road AHEAD.
True confessions: A while ago, I found myself trying to relive college Jen. I thought “if only” I do this, or move here, or look exactly the way I did in 2004, or surround myself with the same people- things will be the way they once were for me. Ummm… really Jen? That phase lasted all of a month or so- THANK GOD- and I NEVER want to feel that way again. I’ve accomplished so much since walking across that stage in 2007, and at that time, all I wanted to do was move the hell on! And I did. And I’m happy. 😀
If it’s to do any justice, I am proud of the fact that I am, and will always be the same Jen- just with a few upgraded preferences and different priorities. I still am, and in 20 years strive to be- just as goofy, reckless, and random as I was at twenty one- just a bit more collected. And I think that’s how it should be. Yes boys and girls, I’m getting oldER, and loving it. Join me?